THE APOPCALYPSE: CULTURE ON THE VERGE.


Freestyle Fever 2009 at Webster Hall: WEPA!!!
December 2, 2009, 1:29 pm
Filed under: Music | Tags: , ,

TKA, Judy Torres, Cover Girls, Sugar Hill Gang and more at Webster Hall

Back in Queens during the 80s and 90s, freestyle music was to my ears as Aqua Net was to my perm, la vida, ¿sabes? I would listen to those nasal, synthesized, nasal, repetitive, nasal jams on my red Sony walkman, falling asleep to Exposé and pre-pop Lisa Lisa as I pondered Menudo, Ralph Macchio, and Corey Haim.

Due to a freakish, unrelenting glitch in the space time continuum, 80s/90s freestyle never dies. Instead, it lives on in throwback shows that draw a nostalgic party crowd. How hot does it get? I spent Thanksgiving Eve at Webster Hall with Freestyle Fever…

The Crowd at Freestyle Fever Webster Hall

"like oh wow my god, this was me and hector's jam..."

Is that the crowd going wild for any number of freestyle greats?

Perhaps. Or maybe they’re just excited the show finally kicked off. Though the flyer said 9 and the freestyle floor opened at 10:30, performances didn’t start til past 12. I guess I really am over the hill, one of the “Over-30s!” the DJs kept shouting out all night (to Under-20s-style shrieking enthusiasm). I bailed just before 2 am, right after Chubb Rock lurched around to a medly of other people’s hits, before my beloved TKA or Judy Torres.

However, I did get to see The Cover Girls, who looked jaw droppingly hot:

The Cover Girls at Webster Hall

And Saphire, who had fun back up dancers:

Safire at Freestyle Fever At Webster Hall

But for the first time, I felt maybe I had outgrown these jams. The thrill had turned to shrill, the beats to ow-my-feets (and I was wearing hi-tops, wtf), and the crowd to too loud and lewd for my taste. (Like, do the hype men need to interject “M-EFer” into every joke?)

Jizzy Chrizzy, as I write this I feel my boyshorts spreading into grannypants and my beauty marks fading into liver spots. Am I no longer fun? Have I become a curmudgeon? Do I only like swap meets and food instead of late night clubbing and fun?

“Meh to late shows! Meh to cursewords! I shake a gnarled fist at you!”

OH. EM. GEE. What is happening to me???

*POP!*


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