The Older Woman Files: My Younger Boyfriend Just Turned 25
November 19, 2009, 4:58 pm
Filed under: Relationships | Tags: , ,
I'm dating a younger man. Yes, I'm The Older Woman.

Boy, oh boy. As in, I am dating one.

My Younger Boyfriend recently turned 25, narrowing our age gap to 7, vs. 8, years. I feel slightly less dirty when I tell people our ages (and they always seem to ask), you know, the subtle difference between saying “I maimed your mother” vs “I killed her.”

My Younger Boyfriend is sort of freaking out about his age. “I’m sooooo ooooooold,” he’ll moan.

I either roll my eyes or kiss him.

When I turned 25, I had a rollerskating party at The Roxy.  Mr. Cheeks’ “Lights, Camera, Action” was my Bday jam. Since then, The Roxy has closed and Cheeks has fallen off the face of pop. My Younger Boyfriend doesn’t miss ’em. He’s never heard of them.

Did I think I’d ever end up dating someone much younger than me? Er, no. I’m all for Demi and Ashton but I always assumed that if I December/May Romanced it, I’d be Miss May clutching the gnarled claw of some arty great on the deck of his Montauk summer home, wondering if al dente penne would bruise his delicate gums. The dudes I’ve dated have been my age or older, space junk I picked up as I orbited through school and jobs.

But OH what great equalizers the R and Downtown 4 train are! Nine months ago My Younger Boyfriend spent a morning commute giving me the eye. Summoning up liquid strength (I could faintly smell the previous night out til 4 am on his breath, oh to be 24!), he followed me onto the street and managed an “Excuse me.”

I thought he was a ballsy college kid, which was cute. (Or does that make me creepy?) Then I learned he worked nearby doing web design. I gave him my email address. The next day he showed up at my job with a cup of coffee and a mix-cd. (?!?!?!)  We had sake at Decibel that night. He was sweet and funny and happy, not a cynical or jaded or ironic bone in his 15-lbs-heavier-than-my body.

We’ve been chilling ever since.

I’ve been trying to figure out why this is one of the best relationships I’ve been in. At the core:

  • I’m got some experience. Yes, I’ve learned some brutal, harrowing, heart-eviscerating, soul-demolishing, psyche-waterboarding lessons over the course of my relationships.  So I actively try to treat him better. And me better. And us better.
  • He has less experience.  Which means he’s just a happy dude. (Bwah ha ha.)  On top of the fact that it is his nature to be a happy dude. It’s sooo Chinesey, really, Double Happiness! No baggage. No mindgamery. No twisted Ex spectres of haunting his every move. Just a sweet string of firsts and fun for him which helps makes everything seem new to me too.
  • We laugh ourselves stoopid.

There’s plenty more to say on the subject of dating someone 7-or-8-depending-on-what-month-it-is years younger. That’s what The Older Woman Files are for. Stay tuned for more!


6 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I am obsessed with time and aging so this sort of rumination is exactly what I’m going through. Even more than that, though, the burning question in my mind is: Who the almighty hell is Mr. Cheeks?!

Comment by NiK

Most relationships are doomed anyway, so go for it!

Comment by Robert Morales

having just last month had the age difference between me and my younger boyfriend reduced to 8 years (for 6 whole months!), I find myself sharing a lot of the feelings you’re describing. he makes me feel young, like things are new and there’s still so much left to be discovered– a feeling so refreshing I find myself looking for new and ever more fun things to discover with him. and though he’s more prone to cynical and ironic worldviews than it sounds like your boy is, the lack of jadedness (especially compared to me) is really wonderful… and the cynical and ironic make me laugh.

plus… the energy on the kids! woah! ok, stopping there…

Comment by Elinor

Aaliyah said it best: “Age ain’t nothing but a number.” It sounds like you have a beautiful love story in the works. I married my high school sweetheart. We’re only one week apart (both heron babies) and share a lot of cultural references, so that can be nice, too.

Comment by Serena Kim

Have a great time! That’s all that matters.

Comment by May Ling Su

Oh Amen, sister. Here’s my deal- I’m 28, pretty freshly divorced from a marriage of 6 years to a guy my own age, and embarking on a relationship with a 21 year old. On paper, it sounds so incredibly crazy, like I’m having a crisis or something, but in reality? Nuts about this guy. It’s very different, but I’m slowly figuring out how to make it my new normal :). Thanks for writing this, I’m definitely going to be following you!

Comment by blondeinthestreet

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